The Way of Courtship in the Philippines

The distinction of many nations in the culture and beliefs that is noticeable once it tackles this issue in the class discussions or even in simply way of chit chatting in certain group or circle of friends.  Let me discuss it further the old or the traditional way of courtship in the Philippine setting.

This was my experience when one student approached me to do some research about courtship.  The student was taking his K12.  I told him to find in Google the answer because Google can feed impossible topics that can answer his question but he wanted the Philippine Setting and perhaps from true experience so I try to recall what we had in our conversation regarding this why I try to put it here my answers.  Well with the simple interview he had done, probably for him this was the effective part of his research why he wanted to prove the said research was reliable.


When I was a child, I heard the old way of courtship through giving handwritten love letters using scented stationery, serenading (harana) as in the man woos the woman with his guitar while singing in front of the girl’s house. If the woman stays in the window and enjoy the way the guy is doing there, that is a chance to get the sweetest YES from a woman.  The parents had observed the lovers inside the house once the guy visited his girl.  If the girl answered the love letters, it means she also loves her admirer.  That was the time to be in a relationship.  This was the way of courtship during my childhood days that I observed and when it comes to serenade, this was according to the story of my grandparents and other folks that I talked.

If the parents had seen the shake hands or even touching the woman’s hand of a man, the thought of having an affair so the tendency they let to marry them.  That is how the strictness to be observed of parents before.  They could not reason out so they simply follow the parents even though it is against to their will.

In times of my grandparents, they were not exactly became lovers, my grandfather helped the parents of my grandmother in harvesting plants from the field where they worked to earn for a living.  My grandfather asked the hands of my grandmother to marry their daughter.  He simply gave love letters as a symbol that he likes his girl though my grandmother was not aware what it was because she was too young to know about courtship in her times.  They marriage last longer that I witnessed the forever in them.  Lolo was the best Lolo, they were now in heaven together.

Let me share the situation of my parents how they became lovers.  There are some believers about “gayuma” or love charm, potions.  Tatay or my father had Latin words he used during the time he visited my mother.  Some believed the story but the rest were just nodding to stop the argument.  During the time of courtship, my mother was desperately in love with my father.  They got married but after a couple of years they were separated.  The thought of the ineffective prayer had done for the Latin words as his love charm he used to capture my mother’s heart.

Modern Way

          In millennial age as of today, the queer way of courtship is observable so let me tackle this in a simplest and based on the fact that is happening to teenagers, single men, or women and many more.

Well because of the new modern technology and social media, to woo to a certain girl is the easiest way than before.  There are many accesses like computer, cellphone to start asking the date.  Usually they begin as text mate, chat mate and the very common is thru match making.  Sometimes the parents prefer a guy or women for their daughters.  They talked parents to parents until they go on to the final decision of settling down.

Traditionally, the flowers and chocolates are not new anymore because it still practicing in our modern times.

The specific one is the Asian Dating in the internet that usually foreigners meet ladies thru net.  In a simple chatting, they have developed the friendship that turns to a relationship.  The guy decided to visit the country to meet the girl.  There are many happy ending relationships in this kind of courtship stage that exists now.

The Comparison of the Old and Modern Way of Courtship

This is exhilarates to distinguish the modern times of how the men and women show the affection to somebody they love.  Through mere chatting until they go on with dating, they have known each other from exchanging their likes and dislikes. It is the test of compatibilities in order to attain the goal of the happy ever after.


There are many successful love stories that can inspire us in order not to feel bitter in the entire life.  It is a matter of patience to wait for the perfect timing, the earnest prayer and the sincerity to ask the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It is the book of Pastor Rick Warren in Purpose Driven Life that no matter what religion we belong, the maturity in him to share how God manifest the life of an individual, He is the true God and no need to question about it.  He never tackled in his book the beliefs of each religion.  He focuses how God move in the lives of everyone.  He initiates readers to make God as the center of everything, the covenant prayer, our personal relationships or the personal encounter that shape us to come closer to our true God and everything the hearts’ desire is possible.

This is what I learned in reading the book for the spiritual growth, the secret key why the stronghold from courtship stage until such time they have decided to settle down and become a family.


Well no matter what ways we strictly follow for ourselves, still it depends on the person which they prefer most.  Either the old or new way of courtship has it is, people tend to become firm to what they believe in. It is the uniqueness in us that some are liberated or old fashioned… I mean conservative so it depends on the person if they want the old or new way to practice the courtship.

I experienced to receive scented stationeries love letters with chocolates from a guy.  It took long years he had done the courtship but I ignored it.  He had begun sending me love letters since I was eight till I was fourteen.  The love story sometimes is through match making.   That was what happened in us.  The people matched us until we became lovers but accident torn us apart.

It is a great feeling that somebody woos or court us, to show how special person we are why we tend to extremely fall for a guy.  The experiences teach us lesson in some points of view like to religiously follow the old or the modern way of courtship.  To test the seriousness or the sincerity of a person is to let come and visit the house.  Meet the parents personally.  Allow them to know the parents.

Merely chatting or texting is another modern way of courting a girl.  The relationship starts before letting them to meet the parents.  So it really depends on the person how to cope up with their style to begin everything.

This is a closing remark that I want to leave:

The first move is always from a guy or let say the guy tries to weigh first his stand before pursuing his goal.  To have an equal footer for that, ladies have the right to show the feelings too.  Sometimes it is better for ladies to tell their feelings and being honest to say what they feel.  As of today what I want…I highly prefer to let the man knows my feelings…why need to take so long if it turns to nothing.  Tell right away if we don’t like the guy, be straight to the point than hurting them, letting them fall but in the end, there is no assurance to have good ending.  Precisely it is difficult to turn down the guy but that is better that way than to offend him.  Remember that there are many depression cases because of love.  It is inevitable to hear our side.

I have met a guy who is now a mentally ill because of the failure to show his feeling.  He could not write nor read so how to make letters or even telling to the girl what he really feels.  He has not given the chance to become literate at least to read and write is an edge to get what he wants to but the saddest part of the story, he becomes collector of garbage in the barrio.  He is a barrio aid, the dirty man who keeps himself a deadly living human being that has no direction at all.  This is an eye opener for us to let be the straight to the point at all times for not bringing the burden to this kind of cargo in men’s heart.

Being hurt is sometimes good enough to become courageous to face life.  When I heard the inner voice that kept on saying be strong, I have realized what are those things meant.  It is how God prepares us to expect what else to come in our lives.  We should be ready to feel the utmost bitterness but through the end of journey, it is the enlightenment of the better future glimpse in every step going upstairs in the ladder to witness what we are waiting for.


Interview personally the subject in the research. So upon giving this idea, I hope it helps to know the effective way to do to have a good and presentable research to pass.  This could be additional information if the personal data of a person is the sub topic in every project that students need.

This is how I help my customers.  Aside from assisting them to know how to use computer, the free tutorial has done too for teaching them what to do.  Free service and that is excluded to their payment, in printing the output is as lower as five pesos per page if plain text but the additional three pesos if they prefer colored with small picture in simple text.  I ask them twenty five pesos per hour, we have poor connection of internet why peso net cannot be adaptable in my place.  The users are conscientious and patient doing the project, I always remind them to exert an effort if they want to get higher grades.  We are in the computer world so adapt all the necessary things to do to be upgraded or updated.  I have many things that I really don’t know so when it comes to learning strategies, basically I am not contented to what I have learned, still my knowledge is lacking in some field but helping them is quite a fulfilling task and performing the mission that keeps me moving.


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